Category Archives: Recipes Gone Wrong

Literally Sickly Chicken Kiev’s

Chicken Kiev’s are my childhood favourite, that and fish pie with extra cheese on top. I thought I’d treat my family and make them a proper dinner since we’ve all been too busy to eat together. I literally thought everything went well. I made the Kiev’s from scratch using fresh chicken thighs, hoping to keep them succulent and proper mash. Turns out it was that good I gave my mum and younger brother FOOD POISONING! They were literally sicking up this yellow bile from 6.30am-11pm. Arji even managed to sick up on the carpet which mum was not happy about. This is where I need help-I really don’t know where I went wrong? Apart from the food poisoning it was actually really nice. My excuse as to why they received food poisoning is because they were the two greedy bastards who had 3 pieces of chicken whereas my dad, Ajay and I only had 2 pieces. I think the fact that they were fried maybe I just didn’t drain them enough, especially with the garlic and herb butter oozing out. That was also another problem I did, once I fried the chicken in breadcrumbs I baked them for them after to properly cook them. Without realising once they were done I stabbed them each to check no salmonella I forgot I was letting the butter leak out. I guess I really did ruin chicken Kiev’s for myself.  I did take good pictures though so at least I have that!

Fried chckn 2

So the recipe for this dish is:

Ingredients;

6 Chicken thighs, boneless and skinless

Garlic and Herby Butter
40g really room temperature butter
6 cloves of garlics crushed
1/4 lemon juice
handful of fresh Parsley, Chopped
5 fresh basil leaves, chopped
Salt and Pepper

Breadcrumbs
3 slices of granary or white bread , toasted
the 1/4 lemon zest
a few sprigs of fresh thyme
Handful of crunchy nut/cornflakes
salt and pepper

Egg
Flour

Instructions on how to get the poisoned chicken Kiev’s:

  1. Mix all the garlic butter ingredients together in a bowl
  2. open out the thighs and place a tsp of butter right in the center. Then using toothpicks pin the sides down.
  3. once completed all 6 thighs coat in flour, egg then breadcrumbs-this is known as panè to the french.
  4. Fry the chicken until the breadcrumbs are really golden brown in a large frying pan with a cm of hot olive oil.
  5. turn after a minute on each side, 3 times to make a triangle. Sounds weird but it locks the butter in.
  6. place in a 200c oven and let it cook for 35 minutes.
  7. DONE!
  8. I strongly advise you do not use this recipe yet but hopefully this can give you and idea on how to make them. I will try and perfect this to give you guys the proper recipe!

 

Butter

There will be extra butter made so keep in the fridge and add to mash or even use it to butter you toast or English muffins.

Egg and crumbs

A bit of professional photography

Raw Chicken

Stuffed raw chicken, again I’m trying it!

mash potatoesSo this is what I mean by adding the extra butter into the mash!

The last mealThe last of the pictures.

If anybody can seriously understand how I managed to give my family food poisoning please tell me! Like I promised I will try and perfect this dish, it might be a little too soon now, maybe in a couple of months/years!

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When Life gives you Lemons, You Make Lemon Meringue Pie.

Day 4

Don’t this look a beaut? I have never made lemon meringue pie before.

beast

But having set this challenge I needed to experiment. All I’m saying is, kids don’t try this at home. This may look good on the outside but on the inside it was yuck. I felt so proud at first, my first pie, looking lush. It tasted anything but! First of all the Pastry was super soggy, Mary B would have been ashamed.

Secondly the lemon filling…thinking about it is making me barf.  I thought, oh, this pie looks pretty cool, let’s get some nice pictures out of them. So I have all these perty pictures with a disastrous tasting pie. i have reasons as to why this turned out.
1. Don’t ever try to ‘blind bake’ the pastry with rice. Don’t ask, I couldn’t find any bean and I’m too tight to buy ceramic ones, times are hard at the moment.
2. DON’T THINK THAT BY USING LEMON JUICE CONCERNTRATE IS THE SAME! It didn’t taste anything like it. The recipe asked for 8 lemon and I estimated it to be 160ml. so me being me, used the concentrated stuff which tasted rank. Also as I cut into the pie, water was coming out of it as it was resting.

It wont be too quick before I make another Lemon Meringue Pie. This will haunt me for life!

meringue whole

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Cake Gone Wrong

I won’t go into too much detail about this cake. It’s exactly like the cupcake but this time I used GRANULATED sugar. No matter how many times I do this I will never learn. Okay so if you’re wondering why I re-made this simple. Because Arji was craving cakes I thought I’d quickly whip this up again, but sadly ran out of caster sugar.

I now know how to answer to “why do you only use caster sugar in cakes?” well the answer is because if it’s granulated it doesn’t combine well in the batter. That’s what I noticed and when it bakes it kinda holds the weight down so it doesn’t rise as much AND it makes the cake stodgy which ain’t nice in a cake.

bad cake

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The Repugnant Raspberry Ripple Cake

Now I told y’all i’m not a professional and my work don’t always turn out right. And this is my first example: the Raspberry ripple cake. let me explain to you my initial idea:

A lovely pink and vanilla sponge, marbled in a loaf tin shape. Nice chunks of raspberries plonked in through out the sponge, like you get with chocolate and raspberry brownies. BUT NO! instead it turns out disastrous. The cake was like a mushy pile of s***.

Let’s see where i went wrong…

Recipe

  • 200g granulated sugar
  • 200g olive oil Margarine
  • 180g Self-Raising Flour
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 tsp Vanilla extract
  • 1/4 tsp Almond essence
  • 150g whole Raspberries, crushed with a fork
  • tooth pick drop of concentrated ‘Dusky Pink’ Food Colouring Paste
  1. cream the margarine and sugar until palish (30 seconds)
  2. Add the eggs and beat in for couple of seconds until all combined
  3. Add spoonfuls of flour, bit by bit folding in the flour into the egg batter. Once all combined separate equal amount into separate bowls.
  4. Add the ‘crushed raspberries’ into one bowl with along with the food colouring.
  5. In the other add the vanilla and almond extract
  6. pour both mixture in spoonful by spoonful in a 2lbs loaf tin, layering and then marbling like you would with the marble cake.
  7. bake in he oven for 45 minutes and viola, disaster fresh out of the oven.

photo (5)

I don’t even need to explain what went wrong. i think you can make this out on your own. Like for starters, i know your probably wanting to scream at your poor little screens to me, “why would you use olive oil margarine?” “your part measurements are wrong!” so yeah the thought of what went through my head as i was creating the disaster. hmm. well the olive oil margarine thing was healthy, no? it wasn’t until recently i was told you never use granulated sugar because it makes the cakes crumbly and makes the top layer of the cake crispy; like rock solid. but i guess i was lazy ad couldn’t be bothered to run down to the corer shop and pick up some caster sugar. I KNOW MY FAULT!

photo (6)

So the real reason why i made this cake was because my brothers come back from my uncle’s, who’s currently staying in the north of Wales. so to show them how much i missed them, and being bored as an only child in the house for the week. i thought i’d make ’em a cake for when they come back to show how much i missed them buggers. INSTEAD it goes downhill  like everything does. it was mushy, stodgy, extra sweet. Basically all the wrong stuff you don’t want hear about a cake was THIS cake.

I Reckon the stodginess come from the raspberries (you don’t say Sherlock). i think because I ‘crushed’ them it affected the batter in a wrong way. and then the SUGAR was too much. i really think i have a to work out the proportions for each ingredient. I think i should of really added 225g of flour because the raspberries made the m too moist. haa innuendo there!

So I will re-do this gross cake again and see how i improved. please feel free to give me any tips or comments.

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